1. The average woman prefers beauty to brains because the average man sees more than he thinks.

2. No one likes me because I am paranoid.

3. I would never take the chance of dying for my beliefs because what if I’m wrong?

4. If you think life gives you melons, you may be dyslexic.

5. When you go to bed with an itchy butt, you wake up with a stinky finger.

6. There is no “I” in team, but it is present in “win.”

7. To keep your health, you have to eat what you don’t want to eat, drink what you don’t want to drink, and do what you would rather not do.

8. Cheese is milk’s attempt at immortality.

9. Remember that you are unique, just like everyone else.

10. You know you are in the wrong lane when everything comes your way.

11. Enlist in the army to visit exotic places, meet new people, and kill them.

12. Death is hereditary.

13. We all want to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.

14. He who laughs last didn’t get the joke.

15. Pushing my luck is how I exercise these days.

16. About half of the world’s population is below average.

17. Eggs and ham – the former is a day’s work for chickens while the latter is a lifetime responsibility for pigs. However, both are a single meal for man.

18. I don’t think it is my fault that I don’t know how to take responsibility for my actions.

19. Children in the back seat cause accidents, but accidents in the rear seat cause children.

20. The more I have to communicate with people, the more I like my dog.

21. Apart from the world that God created, all other things are China products.

22. Practice alone won’t make you perfect. But perfect practice will.

23. Everyone forgets when you are right. But when you are wrong, everyone remembers.

24. You know you were too drunk to drive when you almost hit a tree, swerved, and realized it was only your air freshener.

25. Since I had already exhausted my sick leave, I decided to call in dead.

26. I feel so miserable without you – it is just like having you physically present.

27. Your new hairstyle makes your nose look smaller.

28. I am but a modest little lady, with much to be modest about.

29. I always thought the air was free until I bought $3 worth in my bag of crisps.

30. If you target and throw your apple hard enough, it will surely keep the doctor away.

31. My constant refusal to go to the gym signifies inbuilt resistance training.

32. You will get nowhere fast if you keep running in place.

33. If you dance with me, I promise to step on your toes.

34. The moment I picked up your book to the moment I dropped it, I was go convulsed in laughter. However, I will read it someday.